A random post

Warning: Random post ahead. Read with caution.

On my way to tuition today, a thought came to my mind about the Catholic church and the Catholics that I see and then, I realised how thankful I am to be in this close community of God-fearing and God-loving people, who will always yank me to reality from my little space I like to crouch in.

I have gotten to know a couple of friends on exchange here in Singapore over the past few months, some who have already returned to their own country, and many times when the topic of religion is brought to the dinner table, they never fail to ask me the same question.

"How do you know the God you believe in is a true God? If He is, why can't He just remove the pain and suffering from all the people in the third world country? Why must there be killings and wars?"

Having to explain to them that there is a fine distinction between human-willed actions and God-invoking actions, they still don't get it. I tried not to get frustrated (otherwise they'll start thinking, Christians can never explain properly and they only want to force others to agree - which isn't even ME in the first place) with them and their lack of understanding, sometimes even brushing the issue aside so I don't have to deal with it. I felt I didn't have enough capacity in me to reach out to these people, to get them to understand that there are certain things that God puts in place for us and sometimes, we humans just decide to wreck everything because WE are just being imbeciles (sometimes, we are. We have our moments!)

Most of them whom I've spoken to have left the church, Catholic or protestant, and felt that they could lead their lives on their own without guidance from the One above. Agnostic, I'd call them, believers of the Risen One yet do not fully embrace the totality of what they believe.

Recently, I got myself acquainted with two Spanish guys who stay in my hall and interesting enough, they are Catholics as well. My first Catholic friends who aren't from Singapore. One of them belongs to the Jesuits in Madrid and enjoys working with the ministry and the other is a believer of the faith but haven't been going to church because he doesn't agree with some of the rules that are in place. Since they arrived in Singapore, they have yet to attend mass. I suspect they don't know the nearest Catholic church to school but at the same time, I felt there were reasons behind their reluctance for going to mass.

I spoke to the one who hasn't been to church in a while and told him that if he liked, he could come along with me for mass in CTK. To which he responded,

"I know I am a Catholic but I cannot agree with what the Catholic church says. I cannot go for mass because I can't even bring myself to say the verses which we're made to recite. I can't even sing the hymns because I'll feel like a hypocrite. I'd like to go with you one day but I won't go for communion."

One can only wonder: do we respect these people for their honesty? I am thoroughly impressed that he has so much reverance for the church, in the sense that he doesn't want to be a hypocrite if he should attend mass - he wants to be there in spirit and in heart. An embracement of totality? How many of us can say for certain that there are certain Sundays when we attend mass without our spirits or hearts there? We're just there because we KNOW we have to be there. But it's equivalent to putting an empty shell (with the opening to the ground) near a hermit crab that's in need of a home. God's trying to crawl in but we're not making ourselves available, especially during mass.

I don't know what I should say to them. It brings me back to the days when I was in doubt (and maybe even now). Which led to this post. If I didn't have this ministry, I suppose I'll be one of the fallen sheep, lost in the jungle, never able to find its master. I'll never find the pack. Perhaps, I'd even be swallowed by a wolf.

You guys are a quintessential part in my spiritual life. I don't know who I'd turn to if I had any doubts about this religion. Who else can better direct my incessant questions and help me in my faith formation if not you guys? Really.

I look at myself 10 years down the road when I might not work in Singapore anymore. Will I become like them? Forget about the church, leading a life of my own because I feel that I can achieve what I need in my own power? Will I lose the close community that I have back at home and be that little lost sheep wandering around? What will become of me if my final destination for my career isn't in Singapore?

Archbishop spoke about mission, about multiplying our church community. If these Spanish friends of mine could see the need to attend mass even when they are in Singapore, and return to Madrid with a newfound enlightenment to the faith they're born into, they could add on to the multiplier effect all the way in Madrid! Imagine that. Across the world, a miracle is happening. People are flocking to church because of the influence of two people who once thought they could do nothing.

It is an increasing problem in most countries where the Catholics are no longer the youths but the elderly crowd instead. Sit at any pews in a Catholic church and you probably find yourself staring at a sea of white/grey heads bobbing silently in agreement to the Priest's homily. Youths. They slowly move away from the Church. What can we do to reach out to these people and encourage them to participate in Church activities? What can we do to influence them?

I hate to think of the word, "Nothing", because everything is possible. The question is, "HOW?" rather than saying we can't do anything. I can't help but wonder to myself. In a foreign land all by myself, attending mass alone, how can I actually do something to get the youths back? Is there anything at all? Anything?

I am very thankful for the formation of RCIY. The outreach to youths is very important. I think about our mission in spreading God's word and I look forward to starting a new RCIY journey with the sponsors and the inquirers. I look forward to the challenges that lie ahead because I know that God will make it smoother for us to go through, with lessons that will enrich our lives and make us a better person. I am ever thankful that my path of being a sponsor is directed by God because without this ministry, I'm probably nowhere-to-be-found.

Thank you sponsors, for always holding me back when I attempt to "run" away from the rules of the Catholic church, for being so patient with my questions and for looking out for my well-being.

I told you it is a random post. Really filled with incoherent thoughts.

Don't say I didn't warn you before you reach the end of this post. *Smile*

With Love.