I know this may sound totally frivolous and incomparable to the posts that have been up for the camp that just passed. However, there's just something(s) I'd like to share and I was wondering, apart from my own blog which is read by only my friends (who actually
DO take some time to understand what's going on), where else can I share my happiness with?
And then it struck me - RCIY BLOG! Whoopee!
An update from where I left off at the camp with all my worries regarding the scholarship I've gotten:
After praying about financial matters and my impending struggles I might face, I've decided to take up the scholarship and find means to work and get money to support myself. It's a struggle because for 3 years, I've not gotten any cash from my parents and now, I've to depend on them again. There'll also be a huge reduction in my expenditure which I don't know if I can manage, yet. You know how it's like when you earn your own cash. It's your prerogative as to how you're going to use it. No one can tell you otherwise (or so I think).
I received my results for the last semester at school and it's pretty stellar as compared to my own expectations. Sure, I'd want to get straight distinctions but at the same time, I knew I didn't put in enough effort, citing that it was only a month and a half worth of rushing through assignments and CNY around the corner. Most of my friends whom I'm pretty on par with in terms of grades did so badly that I was afraid I'd do the same. I didn't want to check, telling myself that it's pointless since I've already done well enough to get that scholarship, right? But I did anyway. God has been VERY patient with me - He helped me through all my difficulties in school and because of His help, I've attained straight As and one B+ (for Science......I
HATE SCIENCE...) which in my opinion, is very, very, very damn good!
See, what I'm driving at here is that although most of the times I've been guilty of not praying enough, of my intentions to skip mass just because I'm tired, He never gave up on me. When I turned to Him for help, to give me strength to pull through, I never really thought He'd hear my prayers. We're humans after all - sometimes we think we can rely on ourselves rather than Him. However, my results really showed me that He's been there for me all these while. He never did let go of my hand although me, being the little brat, took off on my own, ran around being a wild black sheep and "enjoyed" my freedom for that moment. He still followed me around and offered His hands whenever I needed to hold it for comfort.
God's really great. We should all pray and just trust Him. It's hard, I know. But who else in the world can you trust with all your heart and He'll never break it? Even in relationships or friendships, trust is one word that is easily destroyed over one tiny incident. This relationship with God is so special that He does none of the hurtful things to us.
My next step will be to work very hard for my degree, and hopefully enter the direct Honours programme. Aiming for First Class Honours seems impossible but I
believe I can do it, if I continue to pray hard enough for strength and wisdom. I'll also be working towards getting an exchange programme for a semester out of Singapore so if it's God's will, I'll be able to get it. Otherwise, He'll have other plans for me.
All these struck my mind as I walked along the streets of KL alone on Friday. Weird eh? I started feeling like I'm on top of the world, having this sense of independence in a country that I really am not familiar with. I recognised it was a feeling of happiness, of contentment. The sort of peace you feel within yourself and no one can rob that from you. The satisfaction you gain from being contented at where you are can lead you to happiness.
You guys know something? I'm so happy with my life right now that I'm going to soak in all the blessings that He's given me. One day along the way I might end up asking for more but I'll look back at this entry and tell myself that it's not too hard to be happy.
Just as long as you're contented with what you have and learn to appreciate what is given to you. People are unhappy because they're not contented, because they don't know how to see beyond themselves, because they don't realise that things happen for a reason.
We have God in our hearts - there's no reason why we shouldn't be happy because our God is a happy God who wants all things best for us, even if we don't understand why the path we want to go diverts along the way or we face a huge wall and are unable to scale over it. We'll figure a way out if we pray hard enough.
Ciao.
